Like ... when I was here yesterday."Debbie looked sharply at her, unconsciously taking on a protective posture between the doctor and me. Her eyes darted to the heart monitor, but this time the beeping remained constant."It's all right," I said, trying to reassure Debbie more than respond to the doctor. "I know you didn't mean to, but you kind of snuck up on me yesterday." I paused and looked out the window."Some things you just try to put out of your mind, you know? It doesn't do any good to think about it. When you brought up my dad it was kind of a jolt. Anyway, I've never even met him, so there's no point trying to get him to come and see me." I'm very sorry, Mark." She went to the bedside opposite Debbie and pulled up a chair."Now, don't worry if you can't remember everything perfectly, okay?" she said earnestly. "Nobody can do that. So don't think there's something wrong if you have to say, 'I don't remember, ' or 'I'm not sure.' It's okay." Okay," I said cautiously. Not. I felt sick.My husband Peter had risen a little earlier than usual too and was sitting across the table from me, oblivious to his wife’s new status as a ‘fallen women’ and his own as a Cuckold.I looked again at the handsome man who sat drinking his coffee and reading the financial pages, blissfully ignorant of the guilt that wracked my every thought. I thumbed distractedly through the colour supplements, knowing and dreading the fact that I would soon have to read and reply to the messages waiting on my phone.Even the newspaper seemed to taunt me, apparently containing nothing but reports of celebrities having affairs and marriages breaking up but deep down I knew it was really my conscience haunting me. The undisputable fact that my husband had spent the last year positively urging me to take a lover only went so far in assuaging my feelings of guilt. Worse still, however guilty I felt, there was no denying that it had been one of the most intense sexual experiences of my life.I.
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